Some people may really hate this country at times….but before you go bashing the war, the president, the taxes you pay….consider this…you get to pee for FREE in this very fine country we live in…and you must never, ever take that for granted friends. Imagine a world where you’ve been out with your buds drinking beer all day…you have a full bladder, need to use the facilities…go off to find a restroom…and blammo! You get hit with a sign that says…TWO BUCKS PLEASE!!! Would that shock you? Piss you off? Do you feel that it’s your inalienable right to pee freely? Was it the intent of our forefathers when they signed the Declaration of Independence to never, EVER charge people money to engage in normal elimination processes? Well…I think so too. But we are unique in that respect…and that’s why… today I am dedicating an entire blog to the art of successful peeing in Europe. This may seem utterly shocking to the sensibilities of some, but to anyone who has traveled the “other” continent…you know exactly what I am talking about. Consider this, yet another public service announcement for my North American homies.

Bread Dipping and Other Lies

In Italy....this whole dipping of the bread in olive oil and balsamic vinegar???....Totally, totally American. We made it up as far as I can tell. Ask for a plate and some olive oil and balsamic to dip your bread? They frown, they grimace, they totally freak....clearly, they HATE IT WHEN WE DO THAT! I'll bet secretly they go in the back room and laugh their asses off when we ask for it. At least the French have the decency to openly sneer at us when we commit such a culinary faux pas (well, they used to anyway...with all of this newfound niceness (see my previous blog)...you can't even count on that anymore)....But the Italians? This afternoon I asked for a bread plate from my waitress during lunch....you know, to do the dipping thing. Because hey, I like to dip my bread. It tastes good that way. American fake Italian tradition or not....it's "moto bene"....but anyway, she literally....rolls her eyes at me. And then her boss...who is standing behind the counter....just winks at her...he WINKS at her...like "hey babe, just DEAL...bring the American chick the damn plate...with the oil and balsamic....so she can do the fake Italian dipping thing....and get over it...the customer is always right". I am just sure that's what the "wink" from her boss meant. I'm not being paranoid, really. Because night before last? When I was in my little gourmet restaurant in Paso dei Pecorai? Well, I asked for, you know....a plate...and ummm, yah, some olive oil and some balsamic. Well, these guys were like...total GOURMANDS you know? So I thought....well, they ought to totally get this...so it won't be a big deal. Well, my waiter...he just starts shaking his head....and then proceeds to ignore me. Like he either doesn't understand me (which of course, I know he totally DOES)....or like I said...he is totally trying to save me from myself, so pretends that he just doesn't hear me....It's like...I never said anything. So I just let it go. And that's when the first seed of culinary "doubt" was planted. And so now I'm thinking....I don't need to be hit over the head here people. I proclaim....that the bread dipping thing is a complete FRAUD and was totally made up by some Americans looking to make their Italian American restaurants seem much more foo-foo, shee-shee, poo-poo (as only Americans can do)..... REAL Italian restaurants (you know, the ones in ITALY?).....DON'T DIP. So remember that. You heard it here first.......

Day Two:

I awoke this morning (Yawn:))....oh what....at about NOON....well, a good Etruscan gourmet meal will do that to you! OK, babes...yah, I'm not going to do all your homework for you....go google "Etruscan" and then come back. Kay....as I was saying...had the most amazing Etruscan meal last night....I mean it was freakin totally unbelievable. All natural ingredients, most grown locally...no preservatives....oh my gawd...just simply the most amazing stuff I've ever put in my yap! The BEST food by far I've indulged in since I've hit the continent....and yes, the best wine so far. Papa Gardino...the proprietor who loves me so....he has been pulling out "the good stuff' since I got here. His cellar boasts 32,000 bottles of wine.,...and he saves the good stuff for the babes from California....of this I am sure. Because the wine he put (sans label) last night....well, it made me cry. He set it down on my table. Just a big bottle, no label. And he winked at me. He said in a big broken baritone English accent....Try theeeeese bella..... you veeel like. And he smiled that sexy smile that only an 80 year old Italian land baron can get away with... you know? I melted....took a sip. Melted again...Jesus, Mary and Joseph (yah, well 12 years of Catholic school will do that to you...but besides that!)...holy cow! It was exquisite! Not like any chianti I have ever had before. And here's what I love....in their brochure....which is rather elaborate....you know, the one that says they are in "Greve"....Hahahaha....well, sort of...it's our little secret!...they say they have wines from 1911 to 1986....and that they have true chiantis from these years that are only the years of the true chiantis....after that...they say....the chiantis were "bastardized" by the likes of "brunellos di mantalcinos" and FRENCH WINES." Now, for those of you who know wines....you are probably pulling yourself up off the floor right now (hey, I like both brunellos and French wines...it is an OUTRAGEOUSLY arrogant statement)...and even if you don't know anything whatsoever about wine...you have just got to love the outright cockiness of the Tuscan winemakers! Ha! To blow off....like...the ENTIRE French wine-making community....is like....SHIT! Hahahah... that is just....too funny! I am bringing home several brochures...to like FRAME. No one will even believe this.....yah, I love the Italians. They invented SELF-CONFIDENCE. Love em. These are my people! (well, actually I am Irish and English. But I am a big fan!!!). OK, so back to dinner last night. Sigh....we started with the wine. And my prima course....which was enough to feed me and a very hungry date, which I didn't have unfortunately. But it would have been enough for TWO. Big plates. Man oh man....So it was this amazing house specialty that was mushroom ravioli in truffle oil...a house specialty. And you need to get your head checked of course if you don't order the house specialties when at these establishments. Next was wild boar. Yep. Not something I would order normally. They picked it for me. And man. It was WILD. Great. Wow....really good. Tasted like chicken. Kidding....Tasted like really good lean pork...just delicious....in a rich red sauce of some sort (I will review this in greater detail in the restaurant review section...). With it was a side of some kind of beans....like fava beans and they had the most unusual herbs...wow, really different and I couldn't stop eating them...just incredible with the boar....a meal to remember. The piece de resistance?....their Tira misu.....BEST I mean BEST I've ever had. Ever....sweet and thick custardy on top over hard core espresso cake on the bottom...almost bitter....the combination was just trippy....i was actually buzzed afterwards which I understand is the gold standard for REAL tira misu....a good espresso buzz when you are done....wow...yah, AMBIEN time when it was all over....counting sheep big time! It was just a meal to remember....which is of course....why I slept until noon today! Well fed, well rested....and ready to hit Greve......(remember, "Greevay").

El Bloggo de Juno 2. 06

Musico de Dia (today's music): Modesto Mouse "Float On," ... Nada Surf "Blonde on Blonde," ...Snow Patrol, "An Olive Grove Facing the Sea," and "Make This Go On Forever"... and " Chocolato, " ...Rosie Thomas, "Since You've Been Around,"... Lisa Loeb "Leaving On A Jet Plane"...Masha Qrella "Feels Like,"...Matt Pond PA "Spring Provides,"...Sterophonics " Rewind,"....Elbow "Forget Myself."