Okay...so we've all heard about the maniacal drivers in Paris, but you really, really have to experience this first hand to feel the gut-wrenching, blood-curdling magic of it. I mean, you gotta, just HAVTA do this once before you expire into the dark recesses of the earth. You will never, ever feel adrenalin coarse through your body in exactly the same manner...and this is why I'm pressing this issue. Gotta do it. Trust me on this. It's a thrill ride. Forget Euro Disney. A good cab ride is a quarter of the price and twice the thrill. This is where Nike got the tag line "Just do it." They musta been on their way to a meeting in Paris.
I'm thinking it was on the round-a-bout at the Arc de Triomphe in central Paris, with twelve, count em, TWELVE converging boulevards! Yah, I'll be postin a pic of this very beautiful and historical site where Napoleon surely did something really, really FAMOUS. But hey, I don't want to distract from this blog by any accurate historical FACTS. This blog is about the crazy ass psycho-Parisian drivers. And their crazy-ass psycho little Thumblina cars (see my first blog on miniature Thumblina coffee cups-o-joe).

OK, well, first off....there are very interesting kinds of cars here...little bitty miniature ones.....kinds we haven't heard of in the states that fit into little bitty parking spaces amongst other things..... And hey, that's OK. I am not here to ridicule that which is different. I merely point out some of the interesting names....which are simply data points,...and all mean "small" or "tiny" in some other foreign language. For instance...the Renault...."Kangoo"....(that's a baby Kangaroo I think....)...."Le Pipi"...(I'm not even goin there with that one)...OK, I am truly not trying to be critical here....but I am just thinking....are the French trying to "compensate" here with the "tiny cars and aggressive driving" thing? I mean...."small man's complex" and all? OK, I leave that to you, the reader to draw your own conclusions. I would not be arrogant enough (unlike say, THE FRENCH)...to draw any conclusions....no, I say....let's get a committee, a global committee perhaps, together to discuss that.......and if we can't reach a conclusion, we'll just build a BIG BONFIRE...the French are good with fire I hear....but these are only"data points' for your consideration as I was saying...

OK, so here is the important PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT I want to impart....and that is my ONLY intent for this blog......I was reading the most AMAZING....no... that word just doesn't do it justice.....UTTERLY ASTOUNDING factoid in the history of French law....no....WORLD LAW, LET'S JUST BE REAL HERE....OK, take a DEEP BREATH readers......(schwoop....and hold it....)....OK, now commit this to MEMORY: when you are walking in Paris.....you must......MUST....hold a STEADY gait while walking! Do not HESITATE, nor change your gait or speed or anything about the way you are walking!!! And here's why!!! You see, it is FRENCH LAW ....that all driver's (that'd be taxi's and everyone else)...are required to MISS YOU (yes Bob, that'd be your sorry ass BODY) by ONE METER (for those metrically challenged, that's just slightly more than one yard...)....so anyway...French drivers are gauging your walking speed and looking to MISS your body with their vehicle based on their estimate of how fast (or slow) you are walking...So, if you were to say....HESITATE ...(like, oh look at that fabulous dress in the window! SPLAT~!!!!). Yah, that'd be you Bob.....Well, I guess if Bob's a cross-dresser. OK, so you get it. They only need to miss you by a matter of inches. And after you've driven on one of these thrill rides....you will truly understand the meaning of this. By law....only have to miss hitting your body by what early settler's used to call a "witch's tit" (but that is soooo another story and another blog...so much education and so little time)......so Pierre had one too many at lunch...you are a distracted TOURIST....and you hesitate on the Rue de WHATEVER and WHAMMO....you are food for the French pigeons for eternity. Oh....you so didn't wanna go like that!!! And...yah, your mother was right...you just happened to wear the crappy underwear with the holes in it today. DAMN HER!!!!

OK, I just had to share that. Learned about that law on the ride home from the airport.....in the "Big Book O French Laws." I happened to pick up a copy at the airport after I finished all of that café....That was way creepin me out. Kind of a legal license to kill, the French got goin here. I'm callin for a boycott of Target till we get this straightened out.....but you totally heard it here first.....pass it on.....man, we got some work to do here.....